Some time ago, an agent to the stars, or at least someone claiming to be an agent to the stars, contacted me because Coleen Rooney was very unhappy about inaccurate quotes attributed to her on Wikipedia. She wanted the record putting straight, and according to her agent, or someone claiming to be her agent, she [...]
Filed under: Satire | Tagged: cheryl-cole, Satire, simon-cowell, wayne-rooney, wikipedia | Leave a Comment »
The Tories have really unleashed some nasties with the housing benefit cap fiasco. Everyone knows of a family nearby living it up at the expense of the state but that’s life. And housing benefit has doubled. We got good value for that though. Remember the homelessness of the 80s and 90s? My journey into London [...]
Filed under: General | Tagged: alan_sugar, boris_johnson | Leave a Comment »
Web Site Developer! That’s what I am today. Although I’m not sure it rates as a “proper job” for the Bufton Tuftons who ring Any Answers asking exactly what a Liaison Officer does etc. “Arf! Arf!” Those people still think there are millions of manly jobs in heavy industry. Sorry, old boy. I’ve got bad [...]
Filed under: General | Tagged: alan_sugar | 2 Comments »
Queen Mary’s dolls house at Windsor Castle is the most excessive eccentric frivolity that puts our royal family right up there with the former royals of Russia and France: “Let them eat cake!” I went to see it a few years ago. It’s crazy. Famous authors clamoured to write tiny books for the miniature library. The [...]
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Diary of a Passive Aggressive by Ian D Smith I regret letting my neighbour Use my drive For his pile Of bricks and sand. Three days later His slaves had built a pyramid: “Ten minutes,” he said. And when I went inside He’d cultivated my land And filled my cupboards With power tools, still running. [...]
Filed under: Poem | Tagged: poem, poetry | Leave a Comment »
Hearing Sir Rupert Murder speaking at the Annual Dinner for Margaret Thatcher’s Arselickers made me think how nice it would be to have a Margaret Thatcher Day. Men of a certain age and education who still long for their nannies could pull on nappies and blue dresses and thrash themselves silly while listening to speeches [...]
Filed under: General | Tagged: France, thatcher | 1 Comment »
I was going to write a funny sitcom type sketch about Wayne and Coleen similar to the one I did about Posh and Becks when he fell out with Lord Gorbals. But then I found out how loathsome the pair are on Wiki and my heart went out of it. Anyway, the scene is a [...]
Filed under: General | Tagged: coleen-rooney, rooney, wayne-rooney | Leave a Comment »
My rival Ed Reardon was back on Radio 4 last night. Must be short of money. His accurate damnation of the dying world of publishing, his rejection slips, “Where did you find this address?” and Cheltenham. What a joke. I went to Cheltenham you know. Not the girls school, the College of Arts and Technology. A [...]
Filed under: Fiction, Poem, poetry | Tagged: ed-reardon, faber, peterloo-poets, poem, poetry, Satire | Leave a Comment »
Who says time travel is dead? I always wondered what it would be like to live in 1920s Britain, and after today’s cuts in welfare, I’ll probably get the chance. Actually, my gran worked downstairs in 1920s London. She said it was great if you didn’t mind the streets being ruled by violent gangs and [...]
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Recent cost-reduced army exercises on Salisbury Plain must have sent a shock wave that caused my humane mouse trap to close with no mouse inside. I rang the Annoyed By Bombs? army hotline but they weren’t interested. Oddly, they asked for the coordinates of my house. They suggested the mouse had got in and out [...]
Filed under: General | Tagged: cameron, osborne | Leave a Comment »
