These belong to Fiona Bruce. Her pristine white slacks remind me of a tampon advert with huskies and roller blades. Every week I tune in to check whether they’ve been slartered with the shite of a thousand lorry drivers. Imagine if she had to stop off at that transport café on the A1 on the [...]
Filed under: Arts, Fiction | Tagged: Arts, BBC, Fiction, Fiona_Bruce, sci-fi, scyfy, TV | Leave a Comment »
I managed to send my 30 or so published stories in the form of a collection to a Michigan based publisher via email. Today I hope to do the same with a UK publisher and return to a story I haven’t worked on for several months. I’ve just been looking at the Arts Council website [...]
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I finally managed to change a lightbulb in one of these stupid downlights. It’s not the type with a clip, but one you have to lever out of the ceiling, at least I think that’s what you do. That’s what the box in B+Q said. We both tried twisting and prodding the tiny dead bulb, [...]
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Ed won… I knew he would. When he made a speech saying we shouldn’t be told to fear the free market, the media got the jitters. Of course we should fear the free market! At last, a Labour leader who doesn’t believe in the Just Do It Or Die mantra of the Tories. So we [...]
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“Tinkle tinkle clank, what a lot we drank” to (mis)quote Wendy Cope. As the crash and rumble of recycling starts up, it must be Friday. A week since the move and the dust has already developed into tumbleweed. With no carpets to soak it up, the stark reality is Hoover or die in a dust [...]
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I’m finally rid of torturous Powweb and that endlessly annoying self-hosted blog. What a saving in terms of money and time, and it gave me no more than I get here at WordPress.com. If you’re going to host a blog yourself, and frankly what is the point, use Laughing Squid or else you’ll have no [...]
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Men across the country are growing accustomed to life without Sky Sports News. The money men booted it off sensible shoes Freeview to teetering hi-def wide-angle. Less White Van Man, more Smythson Super Sunday. So here’s a quick ode. Ode to Sky Sports News So long Geoff Stelling So unnaturally brown You look craggy in [...]
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Over the last few days the postman has made a point that the post is all junk mail that could go straight in the black box unopened. The New Name for Charmin. Juan Sheet. Small and Mighty Etc etc. The target is clearly the housewife. Priceless insight into our culture, and once the success rate [...]
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Moving house encourages such a dangerous vortex that when the right laboratory conditions are met it’s relatively easy to discover a new irreducible universal element. Black holes, red dwarfs, worm holes and cosmic strings lurk in every room. Unmarked boxes become unapproachable. Familiar objects have no home. Even acceleration due to gravity starts to vary. [...]
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I just moved house and after a day of watching boxes pass the window I found a giant pack of frozen peas that had defrosted in the unplugged fridge. Eat them all or throw them out? That was the question. I decided to eat them all of course. The instructions on the pack said, “For [...]
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